Bev's Happy Owls

Relationships

I didn't write this, but enjoyed reading it. Not sure where I had it from originally.

Relationships

Most of the time when we are talking about relationships, we usually mean those intimate relationships with a significant other. However, relationships abound in our lives from casual to intimate. In truth, all relationships provide us with the opportunities to grow personally and practice unconditional love.

Relationships replay childhood dynamics and unhealed wounds. We bring others into our lives who trigger these relays and thus help us with healing the past. Sadly, most of us do not see it that way and waste our time and energy blaming the other person.

Relationships mirror parts of us. We are quite comfortable with the wonderful and loving parts of us we see reflected in others. When we see negative parts of ourselves reflected, we are often sure “it’s the other person’s problem!” This is called projection. The stronger your reaction to a “negative” part of somebody else, the more likely you are judging some part of yourself.

The person who is your greatest teacher is the one who bothers you the most, the individual who pushes your biggest buttons! For parents this could be their children, for employees this could be their boss, for partnerships it could be their partner or family member. When you are reacting strongly to someone ask yourself “who does this remind me of? How old do I feel? What is it that is really bothering me?”

Take responsibility for your feelings and reactions. No one can upset you without your permission and what we see is a projection from within us. Be willing to take back your projections, own your behaviour and ask yourself “what can I learn from this?”

Communicating your feelings without judgement. Your perception is your perception: it may not be the truth. The other person’s perception of the situation maybe different and is their perception or there wouldn’t be an issue or difference. Use “I” language (I feel…) to acknowledge that you realise that the feelings are yours. Learn to respond to a situation rather than react to it.

Be willing to see things differently and forgive. When we are willing to see through the eyes of non-judgement rather than the ego and personality eyes of judgement, amazing changes occur for us. Learn to let go of a situation or issue. Holding onto anger, hate or other negative emotions is unhealthy and restrictive.